wanna go halves on a baby?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
