So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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