he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
