Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
