waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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