Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
