he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
