Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
