Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
