I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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