gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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