Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
