He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
