I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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