somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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