My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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