Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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