There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
