haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
