I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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