I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
