i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
