you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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