I am in a vortex of obligation.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
