So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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