highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
