69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
