It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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