I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
