you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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