So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
