I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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