I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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