I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
