Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As shirtless as possible
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
