Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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