My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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