Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
