you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize