I'm eating all of the evidence.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
