so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
