I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
