It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
