well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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