the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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