Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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