It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
