Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
