so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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