your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pants are for mortals
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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