I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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