Can i not drive my cunt home
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
