Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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