her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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