Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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