hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You surviving the open bar?
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I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
