i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
