She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
