We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
