Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
