What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
