im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
