This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
