Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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