I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
